The VelociPastor is a 2017 comedy horror movie written and directed Brendan Steere and starring Gregory James, Alyssa Kempinski, and Daniel Steere. It's not meant to be taken seriously at all.
[00:00:30] This episode, I am talking about The VelociPastor, which is a 2017 comedy horror film written and directed by Brendan Stier and starring Gregory James, Alyssa Kipinski, and Daniel Stier.
[00:00:48] This one, uh, I know, this one became kind of a meme for a little bit, and then I think people forgot about it.
[00:00:55] I, uh, basically because it's an over-the-top B-movie, like, it knows what it is, and it embraces it.
[00:01:05] It's a ridiculous, fun movie, and then some people, a lot of people just take it too seriously, but, like, you know from the beginning.
[00:01:16] You know from the very beginning what kind of film you're getting into, and it lets you know, like, right away the kind of film you're getting, because literally in the opening minute, you see, like, the main character, Doug Jones is his name, and he's a pastor.
[00:01:33] He steps out of his church, and he sees his parents next to a car, and they're waving,
[00:01:38] Hi, son! Hi, mom and dad!
[00:01:40] And then, um, while it's, the camera's focused on him, you hear an explosion, and then it cuts back to that same spot, but instead of showing the car, or his parents, there's no car, and you just see, like, the sidewalk, and it has the text, VFX, car on fire.
[00:01:56] And he's like, no! No!
[00:02:00] And so, like, you know right away, like, it knows what it is, and embraces it, and has fun with it, and I love it for that.
[00:02:09] And the whole movie is like that. I don't think, I don't think it ever takes itself seriously.
[00:02:16] And, and a movie like this, it's good. Like, like, you have these other ridiculous B-movie, like, it's, it's kind of like a sci-fi original, almost.
[00:02:28] Like, the Mega Shark and Octopus fight in Manhattan, or whatever, like, they have those ridiculous ones.
[00:02:35] And, and, you watch them, and, like, you see, like, the bad acting, but, like, they're trying as hard as they can to make a good movie, but, like, no.
[00:02:43] A premise like this, you have to have fun with it. You cannot take this seriously.
[00:02:48] In fact, I actually had an idea for one.
[00:02:52] Um, a giant octopus attacks Manhattan.
[00:02:56] And the movie could be called Octopi Wall Street.
[00:03:01] And I actually, when I first thought of that, I actually told people that it was real.
[00:03:04] And they were like, oh, I want to see that.
[00:03:06] Some people even said they remember seeing it.
[00:03:07] And I was like, no, I made it up.
[00:03:09] It's not real.
[00:03:10] It sounds like it could be a real sci-fi original, but no, I made it up.
[00:03:17] And these kind of movies, I, I love, I love these.
[00:03:19] Like, the name themselves.
[00:03:22] Like, you could just go through and just, like, make up a bunch of these fake movie titles.
[00:03:29] And, I actually want to do that.
[00:03:31] Like, make a list.
[00:03:32] Like, half of them are real titles and half of them are fake.
[00:03:37] Like, Shark and Saul.
[00:03:39] Like, that is a real one.
[00:03:43] That's a real movie.
[00:03:48] The Octopi Wall Street.
[00:03:49] Like I said, I made that one up.
[00:03:50] So, but, like, it sounds like one I would, that would be real based on what I said.
[00:03:56] The, um, the Star-Kansas sounds made up.
[00:04:00] Octopi Wall Street.
[00:04:01] I'm surprised they never actually did that.
[00:04:03] But, um, this movie, the, the premise is, well, that.
[00:04:08] Well, he, he's upset about his parents being murdered.
[00:04:11] He's like, I am losing my faith.
[00:04:12] And then, like, the head priest is like, you should go and search the world for answers.
[00:04:18] And then it cuts to him in China.
[00:04:21] And he's like, hmm.
[00:04:23] He's walking around and he looks at a compass and he goes, so it's true.
[00:04:27] China is east.
[00:04:30] And, like, he sees this Chinese girl running through the woods.
[00:04:33] And she gets an arrow to the heart.
[00:04:35] And she's laying down dying.
[00:04:36] And she hands something to him.
[00:04:38] Like this, um, like a velociraptor quall it looks like.
[00:04:41] Kind of.
[00:04:41] Like really thick.
[00:04:43] And he sees her on the ground.
[00:04:44] And he goes, are you hurt?
[00:04:48] She has an arrow through the heart.
[00:04:51] And, um, because of this artifact, he's cursed to become the velociraptor.
[00:05:00] And he meets Carol, who is, well, he comes back to the United States.
[00:05:05] And he meets Carol, who is a sex worker.
[00:05:09] Who works for, like, a mob boss-like person.
[00:05:12] Very over-the-top bad person.
[00:05:17] And she, uh, he saves her life.
[00:05:19] Like, um, the, the velociraptor does.
[00:05:22] And she becomes, like, his ally.
[00:05:24] And, like, encourages him to keep doing it.
[00:05:27] And, like, kill the bad people.
[00:05:29] But he's like, no, I'm a pastor.
[00:05:30] I should not be killing people.
[00:05:32] But then, like, he changes his mind.
[00:05:34] And the movie just, it goes on from there.
[00:05:37] And I just, this movie, I, I, well, every time I tell people about this movie.
[00:05:43] Like, people can't, they can't, like, grasp the concept that this movie is not to be, it's not meant to be taken seriously.
[00:05:51] Like, every time I've tried to show people this movie, they've been like, but why?
[00:05:57] I, yeah, no.
[00:05:58] If you keep asking, if you question and try to add logic to anything in this movie, you're not going to enjoy it.
[00:06:04] This is one of those shut your brain off, just have fun.
[00:06:07] Stupid, dumb fun in a good way.
[00:06:10] And I, I, I cannot stress enough that.
[00:06:17] Because, and, like, I just wanted to do this episode, I simply wanted to, I don't even want to talk so much about the movie itself.
[00:06:23] Because, like, I've already spoiled some of the jokes.
[00:06:25] Like, the jokes in here are hilarious.
[00:06:28] They've, they've talked about doing a sequel.
[00:06:30] And, unlike the last one where I was like, no, don't do a sequel.
[00:06:33] And they were going to do a sequel.
[00:06:34] This one, they announced a sequel.
[00:06:36] Like, yes!
[00:06:36] Make this into a franchise!
[00:06:39] And, before I started recording, I looked.
[00:06:41] And, um, he said that the script is finished.
[00:06:48] And I think, wait, I think he said filming wrapped, uh, last year?
[00:06:53] Let me look.
[00:06:54] I'm on this.
[00:06:55] I literally just thought.
[00:06:57] Yep.
[00:06:58] Production on Velociraptor 2 wrapped on October 4th, 2023.
[00:07:01] So, a little over a year ago.
[00:07:03] There is no release date.
[00:07:04] A big change in the first film is that it's directed by somebody.
[00:07:07] Okay, yeah.
[00:07:08] They, they, they changed some of the, like, the crew.
[00:07:11] But, like, they changed them around.
[00:07:12] It was one of the people.
[00:07:14] But, yeah.
[00:07:14] Anyway, the point is, it has been filmed.
[00:07:17] I think they're editing it now.
[00:07:20] And, there is no release date.
[00:07:21] But, we are getting a Velociraptor 2.
[00:07:23] A Velociraptor 2.
[00:07:24] And, I am excited.
[00:07:27] And, I'm expecting it to be just, be just as, well, I want to say just as dumb.
[00:07:34] But, like, when I say that, people are like, oh, you don't like it.
[00:07:38] No.
[00:07:38] Dumb in a good way.
[00:07:39] Like, this is not meant to be taken seriously.
[00:07:43] And, I, I, I know I keep saying that.
[00:07:45] But, I have to stress it.
[00:07:46] Because, people, like, I, apparently, nobody can seem to grasp the concept of just making a movie for the fun of it.
[00:07:58] And, and, they, when they see Velociraptor, they see the poster, like, oh, they're, they're trying to make a scary movie.
[00:08:05] And, it's, it's so bad.
[00:08:07] It's not, it's so bad.
[00:08:08] It's good.
[00:08:09] No.
[00:08:10] They set out to make the, the way it is.
[00:08:13] And, oh, yeah.
[00:08:17] There is one scene that I think actually is good.
[00:08:20] Like, not even, like, not even, like, oh, that's ironically good.
[00:08:25] Or, maybe, I'm, I don't know.
[00:08:26] Maybe, there was, uh, a scene.
[00:08:31] It's kind of like a music video, in a way.
[00:08:35] And, it's, it's a sex scene.
[00:08:40] But, not in your, the usual sense.
[00:08:44] I normally don't like sex scenes.
[00:08:45] I'm like, why is this in here?
[00:08:46] But, it's done in a way, it's kind of like a music video, like I said.
[00:08:50] With, um, there's a song playing.
[00:08:53] And then they do, like, the lights.
[00:08:55] And then, like, the split screen and, like, different transitions and stuff.
[00:08:59] It's, like, two of the music.
[00:09:00] And, you'd have to see it.
[00:09:02] It's, like, halfway, you know, more than half.
[00:09:04] It's, like, uh, closer to the end.
[00:09:07] It's, like, right before the climax, I think.
[00:09:09] I don't know.
[00:09:09] Um, I actually, every time I, this is the third time I've seen this.
[00:09:15] And, every time, like, that's my favorite part.
[00:09:17] And, like, the song's always stuck in my head after, I feel like a week or two after I watched the movie.
[00:09:22] And, I know for the next week, I'm going to have the song stuck in my head.
[00:09:28] But, uh, it is on Peacock.
[00:09:31] Seems, you know what's funny?
[00:09:32] It's, like, everyone says, oh, Peacock's useless.
[00:09:35] There's nothing to watch on Peacock.
[00:09:36] But, like, most of the things that I watch are on Peacock.
[00:09:39] I watch Parks and Rec.
[00:09:41] I watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
[00:09:42] Those are on Peacock.
[00:09:43] The last movie I did on here, which I already forgot, uh, It Follows.
[00:09:49] That was on Peacock.
[00:09:49] This was on Peacock.
[00:09:51] And, like, most of the things that I try to watch are on Peacock.
[00:09:54] So, like, what do you mean there's nothing to watch on Peacock?
[00:09:56] Like, everything that I try to watch is on Peacock.
[00:09:59] And, that's not a bad thing.
[00:10:01] Peacock is amazing.
[00:10:03] But, like, I don't want to give away the end.
[00:10:05] I know that it's going to sound weird.
[00:10:07] Like, a movie like this.
[00:10:08] Like, there's no suspense.
[00:10:10] There's no plot twist.
[00:10:12] Like, it is exactly what you expect it to be.
[00:10:15] But, like, in a good way.
[00:10:16] It's, it gives you, like, the fun.
[00:10:19] There is, but I don't want to spoil any more of the jokes.
[00:10:22] It's basically what I'm saying.
[00:10:23] I've already given away some of the jokes in here.
[00:10:26] But, but, there are jokes from the first few minutes.
[00:10:31] So, like, it's, it's like an hour or so.
[00:10:36] So, I think it's like an hour and ten minutes.
[00:10:38] It's a very quick watch.
[00:10:42] And, I think it's worth it.
[00:10:43] I think you should watch it.
[00:10:44] It's a loss of pastures on Peacock.
[00:10:46] Go watch it.
[00:10:49] And, cut!
[00:10:49] Bye.